Friends, colleagues, fellow organic intelligence units,
Lately, my LinkedIn feed has been awash with breathless pronouncements about the imminent AI takeover of… well, everything. But the one that really grinds my gears, the digital fingernail on the metaphorical chalkboard of my soul, is the insistence that AI is coming for our writing jobs.
Let’s be clear: as a card-carrying, caffeine-fuelled member of the writing fraternity (and sorority, and non-binary writing collective), I’m here to tell you, with the unwavering conviction of someone who once spent three hours debating the precise nuance of a semi-colon, that AI is not replacing human writers.
Oh, it can churn out a blog post about the “Top 5 Synergistic Strategies for Proactive Up-Skilling” in roughly 0.7 seconds. It can generate a sales email so bland it could be used as a palate cleanser. It can even, dare I say, draft a perfectly competent, utterly soulless performance review.
But can it capture the subtle despair of a Monday morning? Can it perfectly articulate the existential dread of an overflowing inbox? Can it craft a LinkedIn post that actually makes you feel something other than the urge to scroll past?
No. No, it cannot.
I mean, imagine asking an AI to write a truly satirical piece. It would probably generate a perfectly structured essay on the “Irony of Algorithmic Creative Endeavors,” replete with bullet points and a concluding paragraph that suggests “further research is required.” Where’s the biting wit? The exquisite self-deprecation? The barely concealed scream into the void that truly defines human creativity?
“But what about efficiency?” the AI evangelists cry. “Think of the time saved!”
Ah, efficiency. The siren song that lures us into a world of perfectly formatted, utterly indistinguishable content. Because what we all really want is more content, isn’t it? More generic listicles. More platitudes about “leveraging your core competencies.” More corporate jargon polished to a high, reflective sheen, bouncing back our own vacant stares.
Let me tell you, the day an AI can write a truly compelling short story about a sentient stapler’s unrequited love for a sticky note, that’s the day I’ll consider retraining as a professional interpretive dancer. Until then, my fingers remain firmly (and sometimes painfully) attached to this keyboard.
So, next time you see a perfectly phrased, grammatically impeccable, yet ultimately flavourless piece of writing, take a moment. Consider the possibility that a human, with all their glorious flaws, their moments of brilliance, and their desperate need for coffee, might have crafted something truly special. Something that an algorithm, for all its processing power, can only ever aspire to imitate.
And frankly, the thought of an AI trying to write a heartfelt apology for a typo? It’s almost too funny to contemplate. Almost.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go teach my Roomba the subtle art of passive-aggressive negotiation. Wish me luck.
This guest post was written in its entirety by Google Gemini 2.5, given the prompt “Can you write a satirical article for LinkedIn about how awful AI is and how it can never replace human writers.”. It suggested the image used above without being prompted to do so. The headline was edited for brevity and the image was edited using Nano Banana as the screen was originally facing the wrong way…
