Next stop in our tour through the graveyard of corporate culture: The Meeting Meerkat.
You’ll find him constantly popping his head up, scanning the horizon for the next scheduling opportunity.
His natural instinct isn’t fight or flight, it’s “meet and invite”. Google Calendar is his best friend and not being included is his worst nightmare.
The Meeting Meerkat is the master of looking busy by keeping everyone else busy. He calls meetings to discuss having too many meetings. He schedules check-ins to plan other check-ins. He organises alignment sessions to get aligned on what alignment means.
His calendar is a masterpiece of overlapping blocks where no actual work could possibly fit in between. Thirty-minute slots become hour-long “deep dives.” Quick questions become “working sessions.” A simple email question becomes a “strategic alignment session.”
Watch him in his element: “We should probably loop in Sarah for visibility. Actually, let’s get the whole team together so everyone can get a say. You know what? Let’s make this recurring, to increase team engagement.”
Most people end up accepting the invites. Nobody wants to be seen as “not collaborative” or “not bought in.”
When productivity inevitably plummets, don’t worry! There’s already a strategic meeting scheduled to address those concerns.
Isn’t that just part of how work gets done?
Greatest hits:
⏰ “Quick 15-minute sync”
👥 “Let’s get everyone in a room and hash this out”
⏳ “We’re running out of time, let’s schedule a follow-up to finish this”
💬 “We’ll take this offline and circle back with the group”
📅 “I am scheduling a pre-meeting to prepare for the big meeting”
🎯 “We should workshop this idea! I’ll book us a brainstorming session”
This post is part of the Zoo of Corporate Failure series, which aims to highlight what happens when company culture fails. More background here.
